Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I hesitate to write today because sometimes it seems like the only time I really "journal" is when I'm struggling. I think that someday my kids will read my journal and be surprised at the "glass half emply" mom they didn't know because that glass is usually overflowing! This morning Justin and I were talking about some struggles our oldest daughter is having and he brought something up I hadn't thought about. Does she think that she can't be not okay? Cuz I think I do. I think that if I am struggling it must be because I'm not pressing into the Lord like I should, distancing myself from Him. If I really was who I long to be I will be ready at any moment to help someone else, to pray for them, to love them through their struggle. But what if I'm having one? I feel oppressed today, discouraged. I'm actually not sure why. But because of the conversation Justin and I had this morning I can't stop thinking that I need to share it with you. Because what good would I be if I did it all right all the time? My daughter needs to see me cry. She needs to know she can be real with me and that I will love her no matter what. She needs to see me on my knees. I like things to be good - relationships especially - but you can't always be fair and nice, nor should you (right Seth? =) So I guess I'm just thinking about Grace today. I don't want her to turn her face and hide when she's hurting so I probably shouldn't do it either. It's a big job to be a parent - there's no coasting or assuming someone else will nurture and equip your child for life. Today is a day I don't feel like who I know I am in Christ. Good thing it's not up to me and that "feelings are vagabonds" (quote from Brian White). I want to be better at embracing the hard days and turning to the only one who can help instead of shutting down for the day or putting on a happy face for my kids because that's what moms should do (it's not by the way). I'm pretty sure I'm the one who just wrote that it's in the brokeness that we see our need for God...yep that was me =) Guess I better click "publish post" then. Thanks for listening...

1 comment:

  1. By being real, by letting our kids see that life is hard and full of challenges, we are preparing them, shaping them and shepherding them. Showing them our dependance on God.

    Even in your 'not so good' day, Jaymi, you are right on tract. Press on, my friend.