On March 7 I finally broke. If you know me or have read my blog before, you know orphans and adoption are always on my heart. In a nutshell, the thought of a child without a mommy is unacceptable and yet so real. The thought of a little one never getting the chance to hear the name of Jesus rips my heart apart. I had taken a "break" from reading my e-mails from Bringing Hope to Children. I was waiting. On March 7 I decided to look again. I saw a picture of a little boy and I wept. I've been brought to tears before while praying for these beautiful faces but this was different. He reminded me of Joah - four years old, tiny little guy, sweet face. He is on the waiting child list and I am bursting to tell you that we have started the process to adopt him!! So here we go!!
Read on if you'd like more details...=)
First of all, I have decided that I'm not going to worry about being perceived as crazy. We do have four little ones already! (Crazy really is a good thing in my mind!) To be honest, I am perfectly content, happy, beyond grateful for my amazing kids. I would be just "fine" not going through this process. It would be easier and much more comfortable. But I can tell you right now that I am not okay with content and comfortable. If there is a child out there that God is leading me to, how could I say no because my house isn't big enough or what about college funds or I am blessed to be able to have biological kids - why adopt? I LOVE to love children. Our whole family does. Our kids have been talking about adoption for a year now and when we told them about this, their reaction was more like, "Yeah, it's about time!" They are not surprised because their hearts also break for children who don't have mommies and daddies. I know it will be hard but I truly believe that God is leading this journey and I desperately want to walk in obedience. I have been praying that I won't run ahead of Him, that I won't get caught up in the "romantic" side of adoption because then my eyes will stray. I pray my heart out for this little boy and ask that if I really am supposed to be his mommy, that God will have him wait for us because he is listed with other agencies. I trust my Savior's leading on this. There is no way this would be happening if He hadn't broken my heart for orphans a few years ago and lead us to this place. It is all His thing - in His Hands. My role is to be obedient and I would be so grateful if you would pray that we would be wholly obedient to Him in this.
I fully know that it might not be this particular little 4-year-old that we adopt. But, boy is he ingrained in my heart forever. God may lead us to another child. But for right now just the thought of him brings tears to my eyes. Yesterday a sweet friend offered to watch my boys and I ended up parking my car at a park and having some time with Jesus. I listened to a favorite worship song that says, "Pour out your Spirit, Lord, on your people...Pour out your mercy, Lord, on your people...Pour out salvation, Lord, on your people...Pour out your power, Lord, on your people...let it rain". I thought about this little boy - one of millions - who needs someone to cry out on his behalf for salvation and mercy to be poured out on him, on his country. I prayed the words of this song for my own city. We need Jesus!!! There is no other way to real life and hope. I am so blessed to have this little boy in my life right now. He is teaching me quite a lot from Taiwan (that's where he's from by the way =).
Thank you for caring about us and for reading this! We are so thrilled to be sharing this news with you. There's so much more on my heart but I will save it for another day. At this point we have applied with an agency and have been accepted so we are working on the next step - so this is all brand new. It will be around three months before we know if this is the little boy who will join our family. The way I understand it, his birth mother and social worker will need to approve us, which I haven't heard of very often. He is in foster care and we are told that he is "spoiled" by his foster mom and is known to throw some fits. Yet another way he reminds me of Joah!! (You are laughing right now if you know Joah personally =)
All glory and praise be only to God, the defender of the orphans and the one who holds the world in His Hands! Thanks for sharing our joy!