I just had one of those moments where I became overwhelmed with amazement, gratitude, joy... and at the same time felt my heart break. I have been showered with grace and mercy. I love my husband so much it hurts. I am in awe at God's plan to bring us together. He is my true love, my soul mate, the leader of our home. He is a loving daddy and when our kids think of daddy I know they think of Jesus because there is rarely a conversation he has with them that doesn't center around his first Love. The other night he was tucking the girls in and suddenly I heard them all cheering "KINGDOM!!". He was doing "cheers" with them, including dance moves, as they celebrated the kingdom of heaven. This morning I woke up to find Joah sitting at the table next to daddy his hero and both of them had a Bible open in front of them. I don't say this to brag him up but to share part of where these overwhelming feelings of gratefulness are coming from. A husband and dad who lives for Jesus is the best gift a family could ever have. I have a dad like that too and that is another reason I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Even though My dad died suddenly at age 48 I have never been bitter or angry at God. I miss him terribly but God has spoken to me in his still voice, assuring me that this life is the blink of an eye, and I consider myself the most blessed girl in the world to have had a dad who adored her, even if our time on earth was cut short. I have nothing but thankfulness for the grace God poured out on my life. You see, one of my favorite memories of my dad is seeing him sitting on the end of the couch with his Bible open on his lap, spending time with his first Love.
I had one of those weeks with my kids where I was one proud mama. I had to remind myself to stay humble - these kids belong to the Lord, not me! Grace decided to run for third grade student council. She prepared a beautiful speech, straight from the heart. Grace is a very compassionate girl and has gifts in leadership. I know she would be wonderful on something like student council. But she did not get voted in by her classmates. We talked about dissappointment and how proud we are of her no matter what. She handled it beautifully and said she'd try again next time. Our identity is in Christ and not what the world says about us. I think at age 8 she gets this even more than I do.
I am overwhelmed with love for my kids. Anyone who needs to feel loved should come get a hug from Asher - no one hugs better, complete with a "Hey Mommy, I love you!" But in saying this and receiving these gifts with joy and amazement at God's goodness to me, my heart breaks too. So many nights I think about the children with no one to take care of them and I plead with God to be their comfort. To pour out his Spirit upon them and give them peace. To pour out his salvation upon them. I know most of them will never have a loving home here on earth and with this helpless, heartbreaking feeling comes Jesus, our only hope. Please pray with me for these children. Pray for a specific country or even a specific child. I love to sing and one of my favorite songs is "Hosanna" by Brooke Fraser. One of the lines is "Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I am for your kingdom's cause." I think God has broken my heart for children for a reason. He doesn't want me to just throw up my hands and say there is nothing I can do, it is useless. Ask, seek, knock. He is their God too and is bigger than we can imagine. He can be their comfort, their daddy.
Jesus, thank you for overwhelming me with your grace and mercy. By your grace alone am I saved. Continue to break my heart for your children and show me what I can do for your kingdom. Thank you for being my healer and never giving up on me even when I wander away. You are Love.