unsettled

My mind keeps racing so I decided to pray and blog. I seem to go through phases with this whole adoption thing. I have been content to wait and then I become overwhelmed with the great need out there and I wonder why God would have us wait when the need is now. Maybe I'm not being obedient? I came across 2 little brothers from Taiwan who need a family. I can't stop thinking about them and yet I wonder if I am ridiculous to think I could have 4 boys under the age of four. Is that crazy? I actually do believe that truly following Christ will make us appear at least a little crazy, as I've written before. I actually wouldn't hesitate to get the process going, in fact, Justin even suggested it yesterday! I want to hear God's voice, for Him to tell me what agency, what country, what ages, even what gender. I am honestly open to almost anything. Our hearts are longing to adopt a waiting child. I can't imagine waiting for a family. Wondering why I wasn't "chosen" as I grow up and continue waiting. I keep wondering if we should wait and adopt an older child when our kids are older. So many things to wonder about. I want to release this completely into God's hands - I know this is the only way. The more I pursue and research things the more anxious I get, wondering if we just need to move instead of wait. Lord, this is your plan. Forgive me for my anxious heart. May I walk in obedience - each step and not looking too far ahead. You give me manna for this day. This is your child/children and your Holy Spirit will work. Help me keep walking even if the next step is waiting on you. Pour out your Spirit and Your love on all these babies. You are their Father. Continue to break our hearts for your children so we will lift them up to you.