Gotcha Love Day

It's hard to believe today is Zachary's "Gotcha Day" and that one year ago, on Valentine's Day, we met our sweet boy for the first time.  And yet, it seems strange to me that he hasn't always been with us because it sure feels like it.  I can't possibly express how crazy we are about this kid.  I stand in awe at how God has set this little one in our family and he soooo fits right in =).

 

 

 Feb 14, 2012 we saw Zachary for the first time at his orphanage.  He was so scared and upset, his nannies did their best to comfort and reassure him.  We had to keep our distance at first.

 

 Justin had to walk with him outside the orphanage to try to calm him down while I got all the info I needed inside.  We found out later that while Justin was sweating bullets with our terrified toddler and I was furiously writing down and videotaping everything the translator was telling me, Grace was hanging out with the nannies and holding babies in the nursery.  Happy girl.

 

 

 Saying one last good-bye to the ladies who loved him so much.

 Sad and scared...broke our hearts and yet we trusted he would feel safe soon. 

 

 

 

 

February 14, 2013

 

We celebrated both Valentine's Day and Gotcha Day first thing this morning at our favorite...The Original Pancake House.  The kids woke up this morning so excited that it was Zac's special day.  He was very confused and kept asking if it was his birthday!  Who ever heard of Gotcha Day anyway? =)

I am crazy in love with all 5 of my babies and their daddy.  It's been an awesome journey to Taiwan and back and I am so thankful for the way God's hand has been on this little boy's life.  We are so blessed to be his family.

"Hold You Lap"

Zac is such a cuddlebug.  He is always reaching up for Justin or me and saying "Hold you" or "Lap" or "Hold you lap".  I love that he wants to be close to us.  This morning I sent my big kids back to school after a really nice Christmas break.  No one wanted to get out of bed (me especially) but they made it out the door on time.  Asher has been sick and just wants to lay around (SO not Asher) so I was hoping for a little quiet time with my Bible, coffee, and gently falling snow while the two little boys watched a movie.  I barely cracked it open when Zac came into the kitchen..."Mommy, lap?" I said, "Don't you want to watch the movie with Asher?"  "No thank you (he's seriously that polite).  Lap."  So up he came.  I love holding him even though it makes it a little harder to drink my coffee and hold my Bible so I tried again to see if he wanted to sit next to me and color or do a puzzle.  Nope, "Lap".  So I tried to read while he chatted about how he wanted hot cocoa, his daddy, and looked at a picture of himself that I used as a bookmark in my Bible.  "Zackey...aw, cute!" (He's heard that more than a few times!).  I wasn't comprehending anything I was reading so I finally decided to read out loud.  I was finishing up Revelation, a book that I tend to avoid.  I know I am not supposed to be fearful but I confess that I find myself freaking out a little when I work my way through it so I was excited to read the last chapters when all things are new and Satan is banished forever.  I was surprised when tears started forming in my eyes as I read aloud.  By the time I got to Revelation 21 I was pretty much sobbing through it.

"I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared.  And the sea was also gone.  And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a beautiful bride prepared for her husband.  I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, "Look, the home of God is now among his people!  He will live with them, and they will be his people.  God himself will be with them.  He will remove all of their sorrows and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  For the old world and its evils are gone forever.  And the one sitting on the throne said, "Look, I am making all things new!"  Revelation 21:1-5

I share this story for a couple of reasons...one is that I was reminded of the power of the Word of God this morning.  Reading it aloud made it even sharper to me.  The other reason is to encourage other moms of little ones.  There are opportunities to sit at His feet when your 3-year-old wants to sit on your lap and you never seem to be alone.  In fact, a part of the reason I found myself in tears was just being struck again at the miracle that I even had this precious, beautiful little boy on my lap and I had the honor and joy to speak Truth over him.  He kept putting his little hand on the page...he has the sweetest little hands. 

There's so much more I could say about my experience reading Revelation this time.  I know God led me back to it again.  Read it...maybe even out loud...and be filled with the hope and assurance that Jesus wins the battle and all things will be made new.

(sidenote...Zachary was on my lap as I wrote most of this post too...=)

It's Official!

It's OFFICIAL!!!  We went to the courthouse today and appeared before the (very nice!) judge and promised to be Zachary's family forever.  His name is now officially changed to Zachary Dale Vandewater!  I LOVE how it is stated in the document..it is now the same as if he was our "natural born" son.  It is the same, buddy.  You are our baby, sweet boy.

Joah having a little fun in the "hot seat"

Here we are with the judge and our social worker (Joah was having a "moment").

Kids outside the courthouse

We got them out of school so they could be with us - they were so excited and eagerly told the judge they loved having Zachary as their little brother.

Milkshakes to celebrate!!

He's officially a "Vandewater" and we LOVE it!!!!

BirthdayBirthdayBirthday

October was birthday month at our house!  First up was Asher who turned 4!

Birthday pizza with Nana and Uncle Gabe

Next was Zac who turned 3!  It was so special to celebrate his birthday for the first time WITH him!!  He was most excited about his "choo choo" cake!

Zac LOVES cars, trucks, trains and tractors and Asher was more than happy to help him open us his birthday presents!

 

Cute sweatshirt from grandma!

Zac showing Nana the very special little photo books he got from his little sister for his birthday.  They are such a treasure because they have many pictures of he and his sister together when they were at the orphanage.  He is so proud of his "Mei Mei" ("little sister") and prays for her every day. 

 

Zac and I snuggling with the cute monkey Zac's sister sent with a hug for his birthday.  Thank you Mei Mei!  I love you!!

Last but not least it was daddy's birthday!

 

 



Now that Zac is an expert at birthdays, of course he had to help blow out the candle!

A Daddy's Arms

 



If you have followed Zac's story, you know that daddy was his favorite from day one.  I can proudly say that our little cutie loves his momma now too but daddy still has an extra special place in his heart.  I don't even know how to begin to share how much Justin adores Zachary.  It's beautiful and miraculous and it makes my heart tighten with emotion to think about Justin's personal adoption journey.  I often hear similar stories from people...mom wants to adopt, dad is not so sure, mom prays, dad gives the green light and falls head over heels in love, becoming an even bigger supporter of adoption than his wife!  He finds out that God provides, there is great blessing in taking a risk, and YES he can love an adopted child just as much as a biological one (I've heard that one a lot)!  These are all concerns I have heard specifically from dads and I love love love seeing how God gently leads and moves on behalf of his children.

The reason this is on my heart tonight is because of a story Justin just told me.  He said around 3am last night Zachary came to our bed and didn't just crawl in but wedged his way under Justin's arm so he could be as close as possible to his daddy.  I never even knew he was there because he was snuggled up so tight to Justin.  Justin said he became overwhelmed with the thought that there are so many little ones who don't have a daddy or mommy's arm to snuggle up under.  Our son has a family now and the thought of him not having someone (us!) to adore him it too much to take in.  Zachary was one of millions of amazing children who need families.  (Seriously, the child is amazing. =)

Justin's story really brought me back to the place where God wrecked me a few years ago...the reason I longed to adopt.  There are close to 147 MILLION orphans and we can love one.  That's it.  That's where it began for me.  I have shared before that I did not feel like I "needed" another child.  I was perfectly content with our family just the way it was. But when I found myself weeping over the mere thought of a child without a mommy I knew my comfortable, content existence was not where I was supposed to stay.  I feel so strongly that our own comfort is our worst enemy if we allow it to take precedence over what Jesus clearly calls his followers to do...LOVE others.  Maybe we won't have the picture perfect life (some dreams will be let go and replaced with others).  Maybe my biological children will struggle with adding a new family member (in our case his name may or may not start with an "A" =).  Maybe it will cost me something I didn't think I wanted to give (to find out more every day that it was worth it all).  But we have arms that a sweet little boy from Taiwan whose picture we saw on a "waiting child" listing can crawl under and find a safe place where he will always be loved.  I pray we will always use our arms to hold and love children.  They are so precious to their Father.

Marking the Time

Looks like I may have missed a few months of updates!  Six months ago today, we saw Zachary's face for the first time.  It genuinely feels like he's always been with us.  I look at pictures the orphanage sent us of his life before becoming a Vandewater and I have a hard time believing it's true...that he had another life for almost 2 1/2 years.  This week I have been thinking a lot about how we mark the time.  Six months since I touched my baby for the first time...yesterday my dad would have had his 59th birthday...on Monday Justin and I will celebrate 13 years of marriage...Joah is starting kindergarten...five years since we started going to our church, The Crossing, and God turned my heart to Him in a deeper way.  All these things are big markers in my life.  There is one marking of time that has been the most pressing on my heart lately.  Next week, on the 21st of August, it will be one month since some very special people in our lives suddenly lost their 4-month-old baby girl, Quinn Noel.  Quinn's story is not mine to tell, but even writing her name makes my heart tighten into knots and my eyes fill with tears.  I have been unable to keep her and her sweet parents out of my mind.  They are the kind of people who you notice...at first because they are outwardly beautiful.  They shine.  Ali lights up every room she enters and Tim is so good at loving people.  A moment after you notice their outward beauty, their inner beauty outshines it.  We call them both family and friends.  Every time they have been to our house Ali blesses me by tackling the dishes and Tim sneaks away from the adult conversation to love on my kids.  They adore Tim and Ali just as much as we do.  Quinn is a miracle we all prayed for.  I believe that when you pray for someone for a long time, your heart is tied to them in a beautiful way.  I was excited to get special time with her when her mom started teaching again and I would babysit her.  I would watch Asher and Zachary when they were around babies, curious how they would treat Baby Quinn at our house each day.  I had decided the girls' room was the best place for her to take her naps and I wondered how she would do at library storytime each week with the boys.  I selfishly hoped we would have a special bond and I also looked forward to getting to see her mom or dad every morning and afternoon when one of them dropped her off and picked her up.  Losing all these things I "planned" and even "dreamed" about for my upcoming schoolyear with Asher, Zac, and Quinn are just the slightest brushstroke of heartache when compared to what Tim and Ali are feeling and experiencing each moment of every day.  Everyone who hasn't experienced this kind of loss says, "I can't imagine."  I can't imagine.  This is the thing I love most about Tim and Ali, though.  You know when I talked about how Ali lights up every room she enters and Tim is so good at loving people?  That Light comes from the Light of the World and that Love comes from the One who IS Love.  Even through their pain and mourning, weeping and brokeness I still see that Light in Ali's eyes and that Love in Tim's.  It is something that does not change because the Holy Spirit is inside them and He does not change.  It is that Spirit that gave Ali the peace that passes all understanding...the peace I could actually feel when I held her one week after she endured the most horrible night of her life.  I could feel it.  I believe Jesus is real...He is Love...He is Light...He is Peace.  I love you Tim, Ali, and Quinn.

Three Months

I recently told someone it's like Zachary has gone through his entire baby phase in three months.  He is such a "big boy" now whereas when he came home he was very much a baby.  Zac is now done with bottles and has much less time for cuddling because he has to keep up with his brothers!  He is saying a lot of phrases in English, sneaking out of his bed at night to jump in with Joah, and joining in the wrestling matches.  He loves to swing high on the swingset and zip around on Asher's little powerwheels jeep.  He laughs uncontrollably when we tickle him - it is the best sound in the world! 

I will say this month has been harder for me.  I finally noticed that even though Zachary was doing so beautifully, I was starting to unravel.  I was very overwhelmed with the "dailyness" (mountains of laundry, never ever finishing a task, and still making sure I got a chance to really connect with each child each day) and was starting to doubt that I could be the mother I wanted to be to all five of my kiddos.  I heard that little lie..."You could be a really great mom to two children.  Think of all the time you'd have to help them with homework, make sure they always used their manners...maybe even their clothes would match because you could dress them instead of them dressing themselves!"  At one point after Asher had completely trashed our basement and had a few deliberate "poop" incidents I cried on the phone to Justin, unsure that I could do it and do it well.  I also asked some precious friends to pray for me and I firmly believe they carried me yet again and God gave me a renewed mind.  I started to recognize when the lies were creeping in and choose to battle against the enemy who placed them there.  I know I am a good mother and I have no doubt this is what I'm called to...raising up our little arrows and sending them out.  I loved what my friend Erica told me..."Asher's arrow has fire on the tip."  Indeed it does.  He is a little warrior.  All of our kids are very strong, some of them often defiant.  But they are also fiercely compassionate and wildly fun.  It's not an easy calling to be a mom but it's what I love.  I am so in love with these five little fiery arrows.

 three amigos

 Daddy took the girls to their first father/daughter dance

 Joah's preschool graduation

 A common sight when you have 2 and 3 year old boys!

 Nana and the boys

 The red car is always a favorite at Nana's house

 The kids really wanted to swim in the lake Mother's Day weekend - I think that was a first!

 Zac stayed in his bed the first 2 months he was home - now he's venturing out...this is where I caught him after we tucked him in.  He wanted to put his shoes on to go out and play!

 Mommy said "no" so Zac wasn't happy with me and found a great place to pout

 first baby pool day!

 a trip to the zoo with our friends

 We had family pictures taken by a friend and I love how they turned out!

 my girls

 love this little guy

 What's in there Zac?  Joah cracks me up in this one too.

Someone likes to be Mr. Independant...I wonder who??

My mom gave me this for Mother's Day and it made me cry..."God is within her, she will not fall."