New Pictures and Matching Grant!

Our agency has been wonderful about sending us updates on Zachary! Here's the latest!!

Love that smile!! LOVE the chubby little legs!!! We love this little boy!!!!

We also are so excited to announce that we have received a matching grant from Lifesong for Orphans!! Here is a letter explaining how to donate if you would like to:

To our dear family and friends,

Hello from the Vandewaters! Many of you already know that we are on the journey of adoption! I (Jaymi) have had orphans and adoption heavy on my heart for a few years now. I have often found myself in tears when praying for the little ones who have no mommy or daddy to hold them. There are an estimated 145,000,000 orphans in the world today and because of this unimaginable need, I have believed that we would adopt one day, I just didn't know when. On March 7 I was looking at a waiting child listing through an organization called Bringing Hope to Children and one little boy took my breath away. Through that little boy God led us to our son, whom we have named Zachary because it means “the Lord remembers”. Zachary is two and he lives in Taiwan and our whole family has already fallen in love with him! We trust that God has brought us to this place and that He will guide all our steps in this process. If everything goes “normally”, we will have Zachary home with us in the next six months.

We believe that we have all been adopted by Christ and that we are called to care for those who can't care for themselves. Our family has a lot of love to give and our kids are thrilled to be welcoming another brother into our home. We truly feel called to this and we humbly ask you for your help. I have never doubted that God would provide for our adoption because He is the defender of the orphans. I have been on the team of Katelyn's Fund Orphan Ministry for almost two years now and I am in awe every month when we meet at how story after story is told of God's faithfulness and provision. This whole process will cost around $25,000. We would be so grateful if you feel led to be a part of this adoption by giving a financial gift to be used specifically for this purpose. We are so excited to tell you that we have been approved by a wonderful organization called Lifesong for Orphans (www.lifesongfororphans.org) for a MATCHING GRANT up to $2000! We have a goal date of January 9, 2012 to reach the $2000 mark so if you would like to give to our adoption, make your check payable to Lifesong for Orphans and in the memo line write “Vandewater #2390 adoption”. It can be mailed to:

Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40/202 N Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744

100% of all the funds received by Lifesong for Orphans will go directly to cover adoption costs. (*Note: In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the names non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use.)

We are thankful to call you family and friends and we would be so blessed to have you come alongside us as we follow God's lead to a new member of our family! Thank you for your prayers as we wait. Please pray for Zachary, his caregivers, and his adjustment into our family (for all 7 of us!). Thanks for loving us!!

Love, Justin, Jaymi, Grace, Lainey, Joah, and Asher

I hesitate to write today because sometimes it seems like the only time I really "journal" is when I'm struggling. I think that someday my kids will read my journal and be surprised at the "glass half emply" mom they didn't know because that glass is usually overflowing! This morning Justin and I were talking about some struggles our oldest daughter is having and he brought something up I hadn't thought about. Does she think that she can't be not okay? Cuz I think I do. I think that if I am struggling it must be because I'm not pressing into the Lord like I should, distancing myself from Him. If I really was who I long to be I will be ready at any moment to help someone else, to pray for them, to love them through their struggle. But what if I'm having one? I feel oppressed today, discouraged. I'm actually not sure why. But because of the conversation Justin and I had this morning I can't stop thinking that I need to share it with you. Because what good would I be if I did it all right all the time? My daughter needs to see me cry. She needs to know she can be real with me and that I will love her no matter what. She needs to see me on my knees. I like things to be good - relationships especially - but you can't always be fair and nice, nor should you (right Seth? =) So I guess I'm just thinking about Grace today. I don't want her to turn her face and hide when she's hurting so I probably shouldn't do it either. It's a big job to be a parent - there's no coasting or assuming someone else will nurture and equip your child for life. Today is a day I don't feel like who I know I am in Christ. Good thing it's not up to me and that "feelings are vagabonds" (quote from Brian White). I want to be better at embracing the hard days and turning to the only one who can help instead of shutting down for the day or putting on a happy face for my kids because that's what moms should do (it's not by the way). I'm pretty sure I'm the one who just wrote that it's in the brokeness that we see our need for God...yep that was me =) Guess I better click "publish post" then. Thanks for listening...

Yesterday

Yesterday was a special day. One reason is because we got to be a part of an orphan awareness service at the church I grew up in. I was moved to tears more than once just by looking around the sanctuary and seeing so many beautiful families. I am so inspired by these people. I thought about Zac a lot and wished he was there with us. I also thought a lot about my dad yesterday. I wished he was with us too. November 13, 2001 was the day he died. 10 years ago yesterday. He was driving in his car and his heart stopped and I have never been the same since that day. I was shaken in a mighty way. I have struggled in the past with intense fear and worry. My biggest fear was losing someone I loved with all my heart and that day it happened. Good things will come from shaking. Real things. I know many of you reading this already know that firsthand or have at least heard it before. I have said before that nowhere in the Bible does it say we are promised an easy life but that it's in the hard things that we grow and see our need for God. I desperately need Him. There is no life without Him. I miss my dad so much. I could write pages and pages about growing up with a dad who adored me and what an enormous impact that makes on a girl...about how God brought me face to face with fear and showed me that there is nothing to fear when we are living for His Kingdom first and see that he wasn't joking when he said this life is the blink of an eye. A kingdom perspective changes everything. The picture above is my family with my mom and brother. I think about what it would be like if my dad was in that picture too. I think about how short life is and wonder why he couldn't stay with us longer. The hardest part is my kids not knowing him as they grow up.

As I remember my dad 10 years later I want to give glory to God more than anything. He is a Good Father. He is the Giver of Peace. He is eternity. He gives us freedom from gripping fear and reminds us what life is really about. I have a thankful heart today.

Thank-you!!!

I just got this picture today - he's such a big boy!! Zac turns 2 on Monday!

We want to THANK YOU for supporting us in so many ways. The 31 fundraiser brought in $1670.00 including both the party sales and gifts people gave us, and we are blown away by this! People we haven't even met were led to give and that is incredibly humbling. Thank you especially to Joy and my mom for doing so much work to make it happen. What an amazing gift.

Many people have asked for an update and right now our dossier is in Taiwan and we are waiting for our "first decree". We are told it will be anywhere from 3-8 more months depending on the judge our case gets handed to in Taiwan. Thank you for being a part of this. We have no doubt that we have been called to adoption and it is not something that we were meant to do alone. I am amazed at God's love for His people and the way we have been surrounded by that love as we are led to Zachary!

Adoption Fundraiser!

Our most recent picture of Zac!!

First of all, I need to thank my good friend, Joy De Jager, and my mom, Nancy Franken, for planning a "Thirty-One" Fundraiser for our adoption!

Joy is a Thirty-One consultant and she has graciously offered to donate her commission from my mom's party to bringing Zachary home!

I have some "Thirty-One" products myself and I love them! If you haven't heard of "Thirty-One", it's a company that sells handbags and organizational totes that are really cute and well-made. The fabrics are very fun and I have used my "Thirty-One" products a lot!

Here's how you can help us raise some adoption funds...go to this website, check out the catalog, and click on "Place an Order": http://www.mythirtyone.com/joydejager

Then make sure you click on "Nancy Franken" so the order is credited to the Vandewater adoption. All orders must be placed in the month of September and here is a link to the customer special this month: http://www.thirtyonetoday.com/Portals/0/SEPT2011Customer.pdf

If you live in our area, we will deliver it to you, if not you will want to make sure your order gets shipped directly to you.

THANK YOU so much for your support!!

homestudy

We had our home visit today! We are getting closer! I thought I'd share a glimpse of what a homestudy looks like at our house...

Social Worker: "Lainey, what do you think about adopting?"
Asher: "The Grinch put me in jail and I punched him in the face."
SW: "You punched who in the face?"
-----
SW: "Joah, what do you like to do for fun?"
Asher: "Goliath died on the cross."
-----
SW: "Grace, what do you think about adopting?"
Grace: "I'm really excited! Especially because God told me we were going to adopt and now we are!!"
Asher: "Jesus is in my heart!"
SW: "He's in my heart too." =)
-----
Asher after the social worker left: "Did she leave? I didn't get my hug!"

Asher pretty much dominated every conversation which led our sweet social worker to wonder how will he do when he's not the center of the universe anymore? Hmmm. (I think he will do just fine.)

It was a fun morning! Thanks for praying Zachary home through this whole process!

Introducing...

Introducing...Zachary Dale Vandewater! Can you believe it?? Part of me feels like I need to wait to tell you how EXCITED we are to share these pictures of our happy little boy. But our whole family is already talking about him and eager to ask you to pray for him with us! This is the little boy who will be two in October that I posted about before. I am filling out a massive amount of paperwork right now so we can get his adoption moving. Nothing is "official" yet (that's why I was a little hesitant) but our agency says we get to be his family! We chose the name "Zachary" because it means "the Lord remembers" and we thought that was very fitting. We decided to give him a family name for his middle name because we want him to feel that his name has a special tie to our family, just like his brothers and sisters. "Dale" was Justin's biological dad's middle name and it is also his grandpa Thomason's name.

So with great joy we want to share this precious baby's face with you so you can picture him when you lift him up to Jesus. We just received the top picture last week and we all commented on how happy he looks - we pray He is filled with the joy of the Lord! Thank you for sharing this with us. We are taking it one step at a time and we are abundantly thankful for God's plan to add another little boy to our family!

Narnia

We just finished watching the most recent Narnia movie and I can't stop thinking about the song, "How great the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure! That He would give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure." I loved it all, but I am in complete awe at the picture of our Father's love for us. After we watched the movie I said to my girls, "Don't you just want to give Aslan a big hug. Can you see how much he LOVES His children?" He is not just a big God out there somewhere. He is a loving Father. He loves us so much. I am so humbled by this. That the God who created everything, who is worthy of everything we could possibly give, who spoke the universe into being...He hears my prayers and He wants me, us, close to him.

I heard someone say that blogging is selfish. I can see his point. Blogging in general tends to be "all about me". But I hope and pray that I write when I feel the Lord leading me to and that I will learn from my own words (which I ask to be His words) on the days when I find myself in the lowest place and can look back on what He has taught me and how I know right now that He is worth it all and Jesus always wins the battle.

update

We had an exciting weekend so I wanted to give a quick update. After we found out our first little guy had been adopted by another family we took another look at our agency's waiting child list. I decided to inquire about two little boys. Later Justin was looking at the list again and pointed to a little boy and said, "He's the one." And, yes, he is one I had inquired about! I thought that was pretty awesome - especially since that is not really like Justin to do that. Sooo we got more pictures and medical info on him. He was reported to be Hepatitis C positive so I researched Hep C like crazy. I might consider myself nearly an expert now =). The neat thing is that a few months ago I would not have even considered looking more closely at a child with an infectious disease. I was still stuck in the 80's mentality that turns away from letters like "HIV". A family that I don't even know led me to ask the question, would I be willing to adopt a child who was HIV positive? This family has adopted a little girl who is HIV positive and they want to raise awareness and let people know that it is something they live a wonderful life with. I educated myself on HIV and found that after I did that, I wasn't scared of it anymore. So I believe it is because I was led to do that research that I didn't immediately disregard this little boy who was Hep C positive. I know Hep C and HIV and separate diseases but both bring about fear in people - at least they did in me. I am very thankful for families like the one I read about that are passionate about teaching people the truth so more babies have a chance to have a family.

So back to this little boy! We decided that we could do all the research in the world but really wanted to talk to someone about the disease and ask questions to a person instead of a computer screen. I had even told our agency that were almost certain we would say yes to adopting this little boy but would let them know for sure after we had talked to a doctor and had our questions answered. I had a hard time finding a doctor who would help me but finally was led to a woman in Ohio who is a doctor and an adoptive mom too! She called me and we got to talk a couple of times. She is a wonderful lady and I couldn't thank her enough! We felt really good about giving our agency a "yes" even though we knew it wouldn't be an easy road. We learned that there are definitely precautions to take but that Hep C is a "wimpy" virus and very rarely transferred within the household. The most encouraging thing I learned is that 85% of the time babies under the age of 2 who test positive for Hep C don't actually end up having the virus, they just test positive because they have the antibodies in them from their mother that leave the body by age two. This little boy will be two in October!

So here's the best news of all...yesterday I got an e-mail from our agency saying that the little boy was tested again and not only does he not have liver damage, he is not testing postitive for Hep C anymore!! My jaw dropped open and I couldn't believe what I was reading! I even e-mailed the agency back and said, "Did you mean to say that or was it a mistake?" It wasn't a mistake - she has been told that he is no longer testing positive. Wow - talk about amazed. I could go on and on about how we had peaceful assurance about him even though we knew his "special need" as they say, was a serious one. We prayed for his healing and knew a love was growing in our hearts for him. So I am excited to tell you that we have officially said YES to a little 19-month-old miracle in Taiwan and we couldn't be more thankful. I will keep you posted on what happens next! It's been a great Mother's Day!

thank-you

Ahhh...that's how I feel after a really big week. But I couldn't be more thankful for all the wonderful people who helped us with the garage sale! It brought in around $2500 for our adoption! Amazing!! I was overcome more than a few times (I am tearing up as I write this) at the community around us. Our church family blew me away. I am so blessed to be able to say that we go to a church that is not just a bunch of people we see on Sunday - they are our family. They donated, baked, worked, brought tables, folded. The Crossing knows how to love and serve and I love you guys so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish everyone could experience that kind of community and support because I'm pretty sure that's the way Jesus intended it to be. I couldn't say enough to thank you. Thank you for loving our family and supporting us in this.

A special thank you too to our moms. Nancy and Nancy. They helped tremendously with the kiddos and we couldn't have done it without them. We have the best moms in the world. They love us unconditionally and support us in any way they can. And they are completely adored by their grandchildren!!!

The best part of the week was all the conversations I got to have with people. Not only my friends who came to help (a garage sale is a great way to build community!) but with the countless people who saw our sign that said "Adoption Fundraiser" and were so excited about adoption. Most people had some sort of connection to adoption and it is so clear that God is moving mightily on behalf of the orphans. I talked to adoptive moms, grandparents, sisters, friends. I talked to two different birthmothers who told me they had a child they gave up for adoption and they were so excited about what we were doing. I didn't even know what to say. These women are amazing. I had a few "grandpa types" come up to me while their wives were looking around the sale and they gave me a donation for our adoption. Those were the ones that brought me to tears. These sweet men who looked me in the eye and said, "I felt like I was supposed to give you this." I am overwhelmed even as I write this. They reminded me of my dad. He would have done something like that too.

I just can't express how thankful I am. I just can't think of the right words. I see God's Hand in this. I believe He loves us through the good times and the hard times. Thank you Mom F., Mom V., Grandma Lorene, Anika, Cherish, Char, Aunt Marcia, Sarah, Majesta, Katarah, Jaime, Angela, Daniel, Regina, Natalie, Celeste, Liz, TJ, Traci, Joel, Desire, Cass, Marin, Sheri, Shannon, Noah, Ellen, Abigail, Michelle, Sheena, Heidi, Emily, Xanady, Roo, Sheri, Mindy, Jamie, Summer and so many others for showing us His love. We love you too.

Trust

Today was bittersweet. As I was pricing and organizing for our garage sale we got a call from our agency to tell us that the little boy we were hoping to adopt is going to be adopted by another family. We knew this was a possibility but when I heard them say he wasn't going to be ours I realized how much I had believed he would be. So I looked at his picture on our fridge and said good-bye with some tears, thankful for his precious role in this journey. He will always be a part of this story. We have trusted that this is all God's plan and not ours so we are still pressing on with adoption and are still very excited to see what God has in store! He knows our family and our hearts and tonight I just have to trust...

Kingswood Rummage Fundraiser

I just wanted to quickly post that we will be having a garage sale the week of the famous Kingswood Rummage, April 26-30, and all the proceeds will be going toward adopting our little guy! We would appreciate any help we could get, but especially need manpower and baked goods to sell. So if you would be willing to give a couple hours of your time that week to either come and work at the garage sale or bake something yummy to sell (or donate snacks from Sam's Club!) we would be so grateful! I assume if you are close enough to help you also know how to get ahold of me so I don't have to post all my contact info for all the world to see =) We also welcome donations! Thank you so much for helping us raise the funds to adopt! No new news by the way - it will be awhile I think but I will keep you posted!

here we go

On March 7 I finally broke. If you know me or have read my blog before, you know orphans and adoption are always on my heart. In a nutshell, the thought of a child without a mommy is unacceptable and yet so real. The thought of a little one never getting the chance to hear the name of Jesus rips my heart apart. I had taken a "break" from reading my e-mails from Bringing Hope to Children. I was waiting. On March 7 I decided to look again. I saw a picture of a little boy and I wept. I've been brought to tears before while praying for these beautiful faces but this was different. He reminded me of Joah - four years old, tiny little guy, sweet face. He is on the waiting child list and I am bursting to tell you that we have started the process to adopt him!! So here we go!!

Read on if you'd like more details...=)

First of all, I have decided that I'm not going to worry about being perceived as crazy. We do have four little ones already! (Crazy really is a good thing in my mind!) To be honest, I am perfectly content, happy, beyond grateful for my amazing kids. I would be just "fine" not going through this process. It would be easier and much more comfortable. But I can tell you right now that I am not okay with content and comfortable. If there is a child out there that God is leading me to, how could I say no because my house isn't big enough or what about college funds or I am blessed to be able to have biological kids - why adopt? I LOVE to love children. Our whole family does. Our kids have been talking about adoption for a year now and when we told them about this, their reaction was more like, "Yeah, it's about time!" They are not surprised because their hearts also break for children who don't have mommies and daddies. I know it will be hard but I truly believe that God is leading this journey and I desperately want to walk in obedience. I have been praying that I won't run ahead of Him, that I won't get caught up in the "romantic" side of adoption because then my eyes will stray. I pray my heart out for this little boy and ask that if I really am supposed to be his mommy, that God will have him wait for us because he is listed with other agencies. I trust my Savior's leading on this. There is no way this would be happening if He hadn't broken my heart for orphans a few years ago and lead us to this place. It is all His thing - in His Hands. My role is to be obedient and I would be so grateful if you would pray that we would be wholly obedient to Him in this.

I fully know that it might not be this particular little 4-year-old that we adopt. But, boy is he ingrained in my heart forever. God may lead us to another child. But for right now just the thought of him brings tears to my eyes. Yesterday a sweet friend offered to watch my boys and I ended up parking my car at a park and having some time with Jesus. I listened to a favorite worship song that says, "Pour out your Spirit, Lord, on your people...Pour out your mercy, Lord, on your people...Pour out salvation, Lord, on your people...Pour out your power, Lord, on your people...let it rain". I thought about this little boy - one of millions - who needs someone to cry out on his behalf for salvation and mercy to be poured out on him, on his country. I prayed the words of this song for my own city. We need Jesus!!! There is no other way to real life and hope. I am so blessed to have this little boy in my life right now. He is teaching me quite a lot from Taiwan (that's where he's from by the way =).

Thank you for caring about us and for reading this! We are so thrilled to be sharing this news with you. There's so much more on my heart but I will save it for another day. At this point we have applied with an agency and have been accepted so we are working on the next step - so this is all brand new. It will be around three months before we know if this is the little boy who will join our family. The way I understand it, his birth mother and social worker will need to approve us, which I haven't heard of very often. He is in foster care and we are told that he is "spoiled" by his foster mom and is known to throw some fits. Yet another way he reminds me of Joah!! (You are laughing right now if you know Joah personally =)

All glory and praise be only to God, the defender of the orphans and the one who holds the world in His Hands! Thanks for sharing our joy!

longings

So today I have been experiencing an extreme longing for "the things of this world". I've been struggling with it all day because the last thing I want to be is someone who doesn't live what I know is true and even claim to believe. I made a list of the things I found myself "daydreaming" about...eating food I didn't make...shopping...having cute clothes/hair...vacation...movies...a clean/cozy house...a massage...watching The Office. To be honest I am embarrassed to admit this. I firmly believe that as Christians we have to resist finding our "happiness" and comfort in these kinds of things. I think it goes without saying that these things themselves are not evil but it is when we chase them for our filling and delight that they are a major problem. Just think of what this world values and seeks - we are so far off from the Truth. So it bothers me that I would even consider longing for these things when I KNOW and have experienced that Jesus is the only One who fills and the only One worth longing for. So I went to Him out of obedience. I didn't feel like it. I felt like eating 3 cookies and heading to the mall. But guess what I read...God loves me so much (and you too I hope you know!)...I read 1 Samuel 15:22, "What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Obedience is far better than sacrifice. Listening to him is much better than offering the fat of rams." So we can choose obedience even when we don't feel like it. God likes obedience a lot. And He is the Almighty Creator and he can change my heart if I ask him. I surely don't want to let Satan win this battle. So take a step back and even make a list - what am I longing for? Where am I finding my comfort? And PUT YOUR ARMOR ON!!! "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and Grace."

firstfruits and joy

(I think I figured out why I put off blogging. I have always liked to write so why put it off? The other day Grace brought home a great story that she had written at school and I told her what a wonderful writer she was and that she should keep doing it and she said, "No, I'm not patient enough." Aha! I think that's what it is for me too. I am a patient person but I spend so much time being patient that to spend even more time being patient so I can get my thoughts down is a little too much patience. =) But I just read a wonderful post from an amazing young woman in our church named Marybeth and I was inspired to click "New Post".)

I just had another birthday. I started this one year ago on my 31st birthday and so I thought another birthday post would be a good idea. Boy is God amazing. He is moving mightily, have you noticed? I feel like He is just calling people back to Himself, awakening us from a long slumber. I know He's always moving and maybe it's just me taking notice as He opens my eyes too, but there is a joy around me that seemed to be missing. Justin and I went to Onething in Kansas City after Christmas with some friends and it was an amazing time, but there was one thing (yes one thing at Onething=) that I heard in my heart over and over. "Just DO IT already!" Many years ago I heard Beth Moore say in one of her studies that it was when she gave God her firstfruits that she really started to grow and awaken. I thought, "I need to do that BUT not right now. Someday I will when I'm not so tired." In the last year I rolled over when Justin got up early to make sure he got time with Jesus. "I will...I'm just not ready to commit to that yet." Well, the Lord used many of the wise words I heard at Onething to finally get ahold of me. There's no time to be wasted in this life. I came home ready to go. I ask God to wake me up, give me a prick in my heart, and I will obey. I have to say that He has done it and most of the time I have obeyed. But I have failed too. And that is the other message that got to me - directly tying into "Just do it!" - when you mess up, push delete and press on. I think I had it in my head that if I was going to make this committment, I better be ready because failing is not an option. I don't like to fail so I was scared to jump in. I would find a time in the day to spend with Jesus and that was great, but it wasn't my firstfruits and that is what I was being called to do. Press delete and press on. It's not about not learning from our mistakes, but about not giving up. Misty Edwards sings these words..."don't give up, don't give in. If you don't quit, you'll win. You'll win." I want Jesus to say "well done" to me. I can't stand the thought of Him saying, "I never knew you". There is nothing I want more than to fully live into the life He has for me. And the first step is obedience. And that's each day, by the way, not a one time deal.

Slowly and surely He is freeing me from my perfectionistic tendencies. I thought most of them were gone away but my eyes keep being opened opened to different bondages that I didn't even know were there. I don't need to have it perfect before I even start. My mom has told me that I always wanted to do it right the first time when I was growing up. Now I wanted to be 100% ready before making a committment like rising early to be with Jesus. But He wants me just as I am. And I bet if I ask, He will keep revealing the things I need to give to Him. I bet it won't be comfortable but it will be worth it.

And back to joy. I love joy. I think I'm usually pretty joyful but I've had an extra measure of joy stuck on me since I came home from Kansas City. I hope to see our church overflow with joy and pour it into our city. A city of song. Praising Jesus with our songs of joy. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. We are here to worship Him, love on His people, and truly LIVE. Our time is the blink of an eye and when we finally grasp that kingdom perspective - that it's not about me - that is where we find life and joy and the hope of eternity. That's what I want.

Oh, and one more thing. My friend Daniel Brunz just released his first cd and when I listen to it, it's like the Holy Spirit is just pouring His truth out. Daniel truly was inspired when he wrote these songs and I think you should buy his cd. (And I sing a little on it so that's fun too =)